I haven't posted here in a million years, but I think you'll understand what's driven me to: soup.
I'm eating soup, and it's like... who decided on the ratio of noodles to broth?
No one eats soup because of the broth. It's like that thing that maybe you'll drink a little bit of if it's salty enough because otherwise who wants to drink vaguely chicken-y water, but like, you don't just go pick up a can of broth and guzzle it down. You pick up a can of chicken noodle, the fancy kind that has chicken AND vegetables along with the noodles, because it's a fancy way to trick yourself into thinking you're healthy. It doesn't matter if you ignore all the celery*, because you eat the carrots and it makes you feel good about your life choices.
*WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF SOUP, WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
THAT CELERY WAS STANDARD SOUP FARE? BECAUSE I WANT TO MURDER THAT PERSON. THERE ARE ZERO FUN THINGS ABOUT CELERY. YOU CAN PUT AS MANY
AUNTS YOU WANT ON THAT LOG BUT I WILL NOT EAT THAT SHIT. I DON'T WANT YOU RAW AND I
DON'T WANT THE SOGGY BULLSHIT YOU BECOME WHEN YOU'RE HEATED UP IN BROTH.
YOU RUIN EVERYTHING. I digress.
So you gobble up all the noodles first and then the chicken and then the carrots, and you're still starving but all you have is a bowl full of fucking broth (and leftover celery and onions, get OUT of my soup you assholes). And it's like, you paid money for that can of soup, so you probably shouldn't throw out all the broth, right? You went to the trouble of putting salt in it, even though you bought the healthy low sodium kind because it made you feel like your life is heading in a better direction when you were at CVS also buying popcorn for the second time in a week. But you still don't ENJOY the broth.
I really don't understand how there isn't a market for extra noodle-y soup. I want you to fill the entire can with pasta and pour soup in the cracks, and I feel like almost every other human on earth would appreciate this. Noodles are the best part of soup and arguably the only reason to bother. My can should not be one part noodles to three parts broth. That just makes me SAD.
Whatever, now I have to go make spaghetti or some shit.